青少年家长采访
Teen Parent Interviews
从超过 50 份青少年家长访谈中选出的 6 份访谈样本。这些访谈的目的是了解父母与青少年冲突中面临的常见困境，并从父母的角度研究青少年面临的心理困难。
A sample of 6 interviews selected from 50+ interviews with parents of teenagers. The aim of these interviews is to understand the common struggles faced in parent-teen conflicts, as well as researching what troubles teens face from the parent perspective.
陈静雅 Chen Jingya
陈静雅的孩子目前18岁。她提到，随着孩子年龄的增长，外表上有了明显变化，尤其是身高的增长。同时，孩子的性格也发生了变化，变得脾气更大，表现出一些叛逆的倾向。关于这些变化，母亲表示并不是突然发生的，而是逐渐显现出来的。尤其到了高二和高三，孩子逐渐意识到学习的重要性，也对父母的辛苦有了更深的理解。她承认，在这个过程中，她会对孩子的变化感到陌生和惊讶，没想道他会经历这些变化，甚至会感到伤心和失望。不过，随着时间的推移，母亲看到了一些积极的变化，内心也渐渐充满了希望。在谈到家庭内部的冲突时，母亲指出，进入青少年阶段后，家庭矛盾明显增多。她提到了一次特别印象深刻的冲突：孩子因为玩手机而耽误了学习，最终导致了双方的不愉快。母亲当时感到无奈，甚至采取了强硬的方式，但孩子则选择回房间锁门。这场冲突的主要原因在于孩子对学习的不专心，以及过度依赖手机和乱花钱的习惯。母亲认为，处理这些问题中最棘手的就是孩子的消费习惯。为了缓解冲突的强度，她希望能保持良好的心情，以便更好地沟通和解决问题。
Wang Xiuying shared her insights about her 18-year-old son and the changes she observed as he transitioned into adolescence. She noted that he grew taller and experienced noticeable personality shifts, including a developing bad temper and rebellious behavior. While these changes were not sudden, she described a gradual shift during his second and third years of high school when he began to recognize the importance of studying and her true intentions for him. Initially, she felt sadness and disappointment, surprised by the extent of his transformation. As conflicts increased, particularly over issues like excessive phone use and a tendency to spend money impulsively, the tensions escalated to the point where she resorted to yelling and even physical discipline, which led him to retreat to his room and lock the door. The mother identified the most challenging aspect of parenting during this time as his random spending habits. Despite the difficulties, she expressed a desire to maintain a positive atmosphere at home to help ease the conflicts.
赵静怡 Zhao Jingyi
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赵静怡的女儿今年16岁。在进入青少年后，她的女儿外表上长高了，声音粗低了。性格上她管不住女儿了，她变得暴躁，好好说都不行软硬不吃 。 但是她觉得女儿本质上没变，虽有时候暴躁而且外表成熟但是心底是个小孩。她女儿的变化是突然一下的，7年级前都没问题。她被这些变化惊到了，感到陌生。进入青少年后冲突也变多了。印象深刻的一次冲突是因为女儿学习不好，不主动，静怡就生气了，跟女儿大吵了一架，结果冷战，小孩和她互不理对方，过了一整女儿觉得自己错了哭着来道歉。初二之前女儿英语考差了，但说了一下小孩就主动去学了。那一次冲突的原因是小孩学习不主动。发生冲突的主要来源也是学习不主动，但也有手机管理。最难处理的是手机管理。静怡想通过别那么强势，让小孩有些自己的想法来缓解冲突的强度。
Zhao Jingyi's daughter is 16 years old this year. After entering her teenage years, her daughter has physically grown taller and her voice has deepened. As for her personality, Jingyi feels she can no longer control her daughter; she has become irritable and unresponsive to reasoning, whether gentle or strict. However, she believes her daughter hasn't fundamentally changed; although she can be temperamental and appears mature, deep down she is still a child. The changes in her daughter came suddenly—everything was fine before seventh grade. Jingyi was taken aback by these changes and felt unfamiliar with her daughter. Since her daughter entered her teenage years, conflicts have increased. One memorable conflict arose when her daughter was not doing well in school and was unmotivated. Jingyi got angry, and they had a big fight, leading to a cold war where they ignored each other. Eventually, after a whole day, her daughter felt she was in the wrong and cried to apologize. Before the second year of junior high, her daughter had performed poorly in English, but after a brief discussion, she proactively went to study. The root cause of that conflict was her daughter's lack of initiative in her studies. The main sources of conflict have also been related to her academic engagement, as well as managing her phone usage. The most challenging issue has been phone management. Jingyi wants to be less forceful and allow her daughter to have her own thoughts in order to ease the intensity of their conflicts.
陈思婷 Chen Siting
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陈思婷的儿子今年15岁。进入青春期后，她儿子外表长得更高了，甚至比她还高，外貌也更加成熟，显得更像一个成年人。她观察到性格也发生了变化，儿子不喜欢在外面说话，变得内向。此外，她发现自己再也无法控制儿子了。他拒绝听从她的意见，甚至敢和思婷争吵和动手。这个变化不是突然发生的，而是慢慢来的，她对这些变化并没有感到奇怪或惊讶。然而，随着儿子进入青春期，冲突还是在增加。一次严重的冲突发生在思婷的儿子玩游戏时，她要求他做作业，但他拒绝，想先完成游戏。思婷大声喊叫，试图威胁儿子，但她的孩子抓住她的拳头，把它放到自己头旁，要求思婷打他。思婷害怕打他，儿子则冲回了自己的房间。还有一次，她的孩子在早上6点到7点之间看手机。她以为他晚上偷了手机，一直在看，这引发了争吵。最后，思婷冤屈了他，她感到非常内疚。导致这些冲突的原因是学习和手机。对她来说，最难处理的冲突是手机，特别是五六年级之后，手机变得难以管理。思婷希望能更加包容和体贴，以减少冲突的强度。
Chen Siting's son is 15 years old. She noticed that after adolescence, her son has grown taller, even taller than herself, and his appearance has matured, looking more like an adult. Personality changes were also observed, including that her song doesn't like to talk outside and has become introverted. Moreover, she can no longer control her son. He refuses to obey her and won't take any advice. He even dares to quarrel and hit Siting. The change was not sudden but happened slowly, and she didn't feel strange or surprised by the changes. However, conflicts still increase as her son entered his teenage years? A severe conflict was when Siting's son was playing a game, and she asked him to do his homework instead, but he refused to do it and wanted to finish the game. Siting yelled as hard as she could and tried to threaten her song, but her child grabbed her fist and put it next to his head and asked Siting to hit him. Siting was scared to hit him, and her son rushes back to his room. Another time, her child was looking at his cell phone between 6 and 7 o'clock in the morning. She thought he had stolen the phone at night and kept looking at it, which led to a quarrel. In the end, Siting wronged him and she felt very guilty. The reason for these conflicts were studies and mobile phones. The most difficult conflict for her to deal with is cell phones, which has become difficult to manage after grade 5-6. Siting would like to be more inclusive and considerate for her child to reduce the intensity of conflicts.
林峰 Lin Feng
林峰的儿子今年14岁。进入青春期后，他注意到儿子长高了，声音也变得更粗了。林峰观察到儿子的性格变化，包括他开始有自己的想法和观点，这与他小时候大相径庭。对林峰来说，儿子的变化感觉很突然，他对这些变化感到奇怪和惊讶，没想到会发生这样的事情。此外，随着儿子进入青少年时期，父子之间的冲突也增加了。有一次严重的冲突是林峰的孩子放学回家没做作业，林峰和他发生了冲突。林峰表示，造成他和儿子之间冲突的都是一些小事。主要的冲突来源仍然是学业，以及林峰没有给儿子买手机。最难处理的冲突是学业。林峰希望能克制自己，不打儿子，以减轻冲突的强度。
Lin Feng's son is 14 years old this year. After adolescence, he noticed his son grew taller and voice became thicker. Personality changes observed by Lin Feng in his song includes that his son has developed his own ideas and perspectives, which is different from when his son was a child. The change in his son felt sudden for Lin Feng, and he felt strange and surprised by the changes, not expecting them to happen. Also, conflicts with his son increased as his son enter his teenage years. A severe conflict was when Lin Feng's child came home without doing his homework, and Lin Feng had a conflict with him. Lin Feng says it's all little things that causes conflict between him and his son. The main source of conflict is still academics, and the fact that Lin Feng didn’t give his son a cell phone. The most difficult conflict to deal with is academics. Lin Feng wants to restrain from hitting his son to reduce the intensity of conflicts.
王芳 Wang Fang
王芳的儿子今年12岁。她注意到儿子在青春期的外貌变化包括身高变高了，声音也变得更厚更深。青春期的性格变化包括儿子变得易怒，变得独立且难以管教。他也容易发脾气，更喜欢顶嘴。王芳觉得这种变化并不突然，而是逐渐发生的。她对这些变化没有感到奇怪或惊讶。随着儿子进入青少年时期，母子之间的冲突确实增加了。有一次严重的冲突是儿子偷偷玩手机，王芳和他之间爆发了争吵。王芳尝试教育他没有效果，于是她叫来了儿子的父亲，并打了儿子，直到他停止玩手机。但在大多数母子争吵中，孩子在冷静下来一段时间后会主动道歉，有时还会哭泣，包括那次。冲突的主要原因包括学习和手机，而手机管理是最难处理的，因为儿子在学习时间喜欢玩手机。
Wang Fang's son is 12 years old this year. She noticed that his appearance changed in terms of height where her son has grown taller and also in terms of voice which got thicker and deeper after adolescence. Personality changes observed in adolescence includes his son has developed a temper, and has become independent and difficult to manage. He is also easily irritable and prefers to talk back to Li Fang. Li Fang feels the change is not sudden and happened slowly. She didn't feel strange or surprised by the changes. As Li Fang's son entered his teenage years, conflicts between mother and child did increase . A severe conflict is when her son secretly played with his mobile phone and an argument broke out between him and Li Fang. It was useless for Li Fang to try to educate him, so she called the son's father back and beat him until the son stopped playing. But in most of the quarrels between mother and son, the child will take the initiative to apologize after calming down for a while, and sometimes he will cry, including that time. The main reasons for conflicts include studies and mobile phones, and mobile phone management is the most difficult to deal with since her so loves playing during study time.
李欣怡 Li Xinyi
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李欣怡的儿子17岁了。她注意到，青春期后儿子的身体发生了变化。他长高了，声音也变得低沉。性格上也有变化。儿子变得内向，并且变得易怒，脾气变差。这些变化是逐渐发生的。星怡对这些变化并不感到奇怪或惊讶。随着孩子进入青春期，星怡与儿子之间的冲突确实增加了。一次严重的冲突是，星怡的儿子答应晚上不玩手机，但实际上他是在假装，还是去玩了。结果他玩到第二天早上，还不想上课。星怡非常生气，与他大吵了一架，儿子离开了家。但每次与儿子争吵后，星怡都会感到非常糟糕、不舒服，甚至内疚。冲突的主要源头是手机管理，这是她最难处理的问题。她希望能始终保持理智，以减少与儿子的冲突。
Li Xingyi's son is 17 years old. She noticed that after adolescence, her son physically changed. Her son grew taller and developed a thick voice. Personality changes were also. Her son became introverted and has become irritable and has a bad temper. These changes occurred slowly. Xingyi did not feel strange or surprised by the changes. Conflict did increase between Xingyi and her son after the child entered teenage. A severe conflict is when Xingyi's child promised not to play with his mobile phone at night, but it turned out that he was pretending and went to play anyway. He played until the next morning and didn't want to go to class. Xingyi got angry and had a big fight with him, and the son left the house. But every time after Xingyi had an argument with her son, she feels very bad, uncomfortable, and even guilty. The main source of conflicts is cell phone management, and it is is the most difficult to deal with. She wants to make sure she is always reasonable to reduce the intensity of conflicts with her son.